Monday, June 17, 2024

Wolfe’s Woofer: Psychiatric Seminar

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Dale brought his cup of coffee over to my table at the Holiday Hotel and took a seat.
“Hey, Wolfe.” he said. “About six years ago a psychiatrist came to the Lion’s Den for a seminar. He handed out a bunch of those weird psychiatric tests. Do you remember that?”
“Remember? Hell, I’m still embarrassed about it.”
The psychiatrist had given us a short test of words with missing letters like BOO_S, P_N_S, _ _NDOM, F_ _K and S_X. The correct answers were BOOKS, PANTS,
RANDOM, FORK and SIX. To my humiliation I had failed to get one correct answer.
Dale said, “I ran into that psychiatrist this morning. He’s giving a seminar at the Lion’s Den this afternoon and he invited us to go. He specifically asked if you are O.K.”
“He would. He probably thinks I’m some crazy old pervert.”
After the seminar Doctor Robinson, the psychiatrist, asked if anyone had any questions. He answered a number of them and then he mentioned me by name.
“Mr. Wolfe,” he called. “I remember you from my last visit. How have you been?”
“U-h-h, fine. I guess.”
“You’ve been very quiet this afternoon. Do you have any questions for me?”
I had been quiet because I didn’t want to act the fool like I did before. I quickly came up with an intelligent sounding question.
“Uh.h.h, how do you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears normal?”
“That’s simple,” Doctor Robinson said. “I ask them a question like the one I will ask you. Captain Cook, the great discoverer, sailed around the earth three times before he died. The question is, on which voyage did he die?”
“I’m sorry, Doctor,” I said. “Can you ask me a different question? I don’t know much about history.”

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