Monday, June 17, 2024

Wolfe’s Woofer: Physical Exam


Dennis-Wolfe-Wolfes-Woofers“You only have one more part of your physical exam left,” Sherry told me. “I made an appointment with the doctor for this afternoon.”
We’re in Merida, Mexico for a few days getting my annual total physical done.
“What do you mean ~one more part~?” I asked. “I thought I was finished with the entire thing.”
“You haven’t seen all of the different specialists yet. You still need to see the proctologist.”
When she finished explaining proctologist my eyes were as big as fifty cent pieces.
“There is no way I will let somebody do that to me,” I told her
That afternoon I sat in the doctor’s waiting room. The door to the examination room opened and the doctor came out with a clipboard under his arm. After checking his clipboard he said to me, “And you are Mr. ?.?.?”
After I gave him my name he said, “This way, Mr. Wolfe.”
Shortly, I was in the examination room naked except for one of those paper hospital gowns with the back end cut out. He had me bend over the table and I heard the sound of the rubber gloves snapping. As I gritted my teeth I said, “You must feel like Christopher Columbus; exploring where no one else has been before. Have you ever heard that one?”
“Mr. Wolfe, I’ve heard them all,” he said.
For the next few minutes I was humiliated like no one else has ever been humiliated. When he finished he picked up his clipboard and said, “That will be all, sir,” and walked out the door. Another doctor and a nurse walked in immediately.
“Who was that guy who just left here?” the doctor asked the nurse. “He looked like the new janitor we hired last week.”

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