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Dear Doctor Love,
I am sixteen years old and I have been best friends with this girl for all of my life. We have always been inseparable until she met this other girl and now she hangs out with her all of the time. I thought the things we told each other were only between us but I found out the other day that she is telling the new girl all of our secrets. They make fun of me and giggle behind their hands and point at me and this hurts very much. I am so heartbroken because school is starting and now she and I are not best friends anymore. I don’t know why she is doing this to me. We have never even had a fight, so why is she making me feel so bad? Are we friends anymore?
/s/ Friendless
Dear Friendless,
You are on the receiving end of a pretty harsh lesson about people and there is no easy way to get through this type of betrayal. Your one-time friend is being cruel and it is up to you to decide if she can be trusted enough to try and work this out.
You may feel like bad mouthing her in return but don’t do it. Responding with meanness will only make you look bad, feel bad and would kill any chance to repair your life-long friendship. Keep in mind that her new friend may be bullying her and she may not be mature enough to withstand the pressure. A few kind words from you could break this cycle and get your friendship back on solid ground.
The simplest way to know if you can still be friends is to ask her directly what has happened to cause her to treat you this way. There might have been a miscommunication between you and her but it is more likely that the new friend has worked hard to drive a wedge into your friendship. Talk to her in person, not by text or telephone. It is much easier to read someone’s reactions when you speak to them face to face and texting can get messy and lead to a full blown fight. Try not to get angry and scream, and be direct. Use examples of her behavior when telling her how you feel.
Her response to a direct question from you will tell you if you are still friends. If you are not, hold your head high, go to school and ignore them. You will find you are not friendless, and can take this opportunity to expand your social circle.
