Sunday, June 23, 2024

Doctor Love: Ignorance is Bliss


Readers, please send your letters. They can be emails, formal letters or handwritten notes. They are edited solely for grammar and spelling. Also, they are sometimes edited for length.

Dear Doctor Love,
My husband is unfaithful. I know this because I saw him with her. At the time I decided that the drama from a confrontation would be worse than pretending. My husband and I have a good relationship; he is caring, helpful and loving. He does not take time from me to be with her and he never has an unkind word for me. Except for this, we are so happy. So what would happen if I tell him that I know? Would it ruin the good parts of our marriage? Suppose he promised to stop, then didn’t? I wouldn’t leave, I would be unhappier without him than I am now, so why make an empty threat? When it starts to bother me I try not to think about it, but I worry that someone else will find out and talk will start and I will have to face it. Is it wrong to stay in a marriage with one bad spot when I know that every other part of us is perfect? Or should I get it out in the open with him?
/s/ Ignorance is Bliss

Dear Bliss,
In a marriage that only has one bad spot, infidelity is a pretty big one. But it sounds as though you are trying to find the means to remain happy. The problem is that pretense is hard to maintain and secrets tend to come out, it is not easy to keep an affair quiet for long. That there would be drama from an honest discussion about this suggests that it is a problem for you, despite your willingness to live with the situation. What are you afraid might happen if you were to talk about it now? Are you worried he might choose her? What do you fear you might lose? The good parts of your life together? Or could you trust that the good parts of your marriage can make it easier to talk through this and get your relationship back to one hundred percent? You have the right to expect your husband to live up to his vows, so do not think that it would be wrong on your part to talk to him about this. Accept it if that is best for you but should you not be able to live with him straying, keep calm and tell him what you want. But keep in mind, the more time that passes the more chance this has to grow into something bigger than just a bad spot.

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