Dear Doctor Love,
I am in my early fifties and my husband is sixty-five years old. When we got married five years ago he promised to take care of me. Instead, I find myself taking care of him all of the time. I do all of the cooking and cleaning, washing clothes and even taking care of most of the yard work.
He suffers from depression that he claims is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by his military service. It might be true but as far as I know he never served in any war and he definitely does not get a disability pension for PTSD. He has his Social Security income from the U.S. and a small retirement fund from his former career that supports him. I actually make more money than he does with my business.
Now, he wants to move back to the U.S. so he can be near his grandkids. I like it here in Belize. I like the people and the weather. I have friends here. I do not want to sell my business and move just to please him.
If he moves I do not intend to follow him. Is this so wrong of me?
/s/ I Love Belize
Dear Love,
When you took the marriage vows you might have used the old oath of “love, honor and obey.” You have handled the love and honor part all right and so far you are holding up the obey part. You have done enough.
It’s time for him to do some of the loving and honoring. If not, give him a goodbye kiss.
Dear Doctor Love,
My husband and I have been together since high school and we have been married for nine years. He has always been jealous of me and it seems to get worse each year. He gets vexed with any man that I even know and takes it out on me. So far, it has only been verbal abuse but at the rate he is going it will soon be physical. Our relationship is under a lot of strain because I never know when his temper is going to flare up. Because we have two children it is hard for me to leave but before things get physical I need to consider it. Please advise me.
/s/ Prisoner
Dear Prisoner,
The moment you think you might be in danger is the time to do something. This means right now. However, if you suddenly leave he will think that he was right all along.
Try to get him into marriage counseling with you. If he won’t attend, then go alone. Instead of a hasty exit, have a planned separation and then leave.
