Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Wolfe’s Woofer: Forgive Your Enemies


“It’s time for you to do your good deed for the year,” Sherry said to me.
“What do you mean by that?”
My mission, as Sherry explained it, was to give old Ms. Gannet a ride to church and bring her home when the Sunday service ended.
“Why do I have to do it?”
“Because I promised to and I forgot that I’m going to Jim and Lisa’s wedding.”
I got the old lady safely to church where she bullied me into coming in with her. The sermon for the day was “Forgiving Your Enemies.”
Toward the end of sermon, the minister said, “Raise your hand if you have forgiven your enemies.”
Nearly everyone raised their hand. The minister spoke some more on the subject and then said, “Jesus said we must forgive our enemies. Once again, raise your hand if you’ve forgiven them.”
This time everyone raised their hands except for Ms. Gannet.
“Don’t you want to forgive your enemies, Ms. Gannet?” he asked.
“I don’t have any enemies,” she told him.
“Hallelujah!” praised the minister. “We should all be able to say we have no enemies. Sister, will you come up here and share your secret with us?”
The old lady made her way to the front of the church and turned to the congregation.
“This is Sister Dolores Gannet,” said the minister, by way of introduction. “She’s the oldest member of our congregation. How old are you Sister Dolores?”
“Ninety-eight years old,” she answered proudly.
“How wonderful to reach such an age without an enemy in the world. Please share your secret with us.”
“I outlived them, bitches.”

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