“Randy? Where are you calling from? Are you here in Belize?”
I had not heard from Randy in three or four years. It was a real surprise to hear from my cousin in California.
“What’s up, cuz?” I asked. “Are you coming to visit again?”
“No, but my friend Bob is going on vacation to San Pedro. I’d like for you to show him around. He’s a great guy but he’s not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.”
“I’ll take care of him,” I promised.
As advertised by Randy, Bob was a great guy and we got along well.
“What would you like to do today?” I asked him yesterday as we ate breakfast.
“Well, I went diving yesterday and fishing the day before that,” he said. “Tonight I would like to go out and meet some of the local ladies. I like the ladies.”
That’s how we ended up in a crowded bar full of dancing women on Ladies’ Night. It is not the kind of place I usually hang out.
“What kind of ladies do you like, Bob?” I asked. “We have a hundred or so of San Pedro’s finest here tonight.”
“I like them with some meat on their bones,” he said. “I’m not interested in any skinny ones.”
“What about Audrey over there in the red dress? I’ve known her back when she only weighed about a hundred and sixty pounds.”
“She’s just my type.”
I brought Audrey over and introduced the pair. The song from the DJ ended and the music faded to a slow song as Bob said, “It’s nice to meet you Audrey. Can I smell your butt?”
Without hesitation she hit him right between the eyes and dropped him to the floor like a sack of flour.
“What did you ask me?” she said, as she stood over him.
“I asked if I could smell your butt.”
“You must be some kind of pervert,” she said. “Of course you can’t smell my butt.”
“I’m sorry,” Bob said. “It must be your feet.”
