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Dear Doctor Love,
I have been in a relationship for four years and everything seemed to be wonderful until my girlfriend turned thirty. Then without warning, she wanted a baby. It is all she talks about. We’ve never even discussed it but I don’t feel that driving need to have a child. She’s agreed to let me think about it but she hinted that she can get pregnant without my consent. Now I am worried she might go off the pill, so sex is tense if we have it all. I wonder if it is time for me to leave but I would like to save our relationship if possible.
/s/Baby Bomb
Dear Bomb,
There are few minefields as dangerous as this one when it comes to trouble in a relationship. When a woman wants a child it is, as you stated, a driving need. Her biological clock is ticking away and there is little you can do to stop it. If you plan to stick by your decision to remain childless, then you must be prepared to let her go, because she is just as adamant in her desire to have one.
The choice is an individual one and neither of you is wrong, but either party stands a very good chance of feeling resentment if they don’t get their own way. You face each other from opposite sides of this very important issue and it is one that you will need to discuss with painful honesty. Tension and personal desires combined with a life-changing decision on which you cannot agree may very well mean separation when the discussion is over.
The Doctor rarely likes to make proclamations but in this case, it is likely you will have to back down and accept a child in your future or the relationship will end.
Talk it through without hiding behind fear of separation. She may realize that a future with you is more important than the future with a child. You could realize that life with her and a child is more important than life without her. Or you both could realize that with another person you can have the life you want. Be very honest with both yourself and your girlfriend and good luck.
Dear Doctor Love,
My life long friend’s ex-boyfriend asked me on a date. Can I go?
/s/ Excited
Dear Excited,
Why not ask her? If she has moved on there should be no problem. If she is not happy with the idea then take a minute to decide if losing that lifelong friendship is worth the date.
