Dear Doctor Love,
I have been married for ten years and my wife and I are both in our mid thirties. We have two children, a baby and a three year-old and we are both excellent parents. What we are not is a good married couple. A few years ago we recognized that almost every thing we had in common no longer exists or it never existed at all. Our sexual relations has slowly dried up and we both have completely different interests. We went to counseling but it only helped temporarily. Last year I had an affair with someone I had just met and I almost left my wife for her. The children now seem to be the only reason we are together. Now I worry that I will end up having more affairs because I am so unsatisfied in my marriage. For my children’s sake I would love to have the marriage work but I don’t see how I can live this way long term.
What can I do?
/s/ Unsatisfied
Dear Unsatisfied,
The Doctor recognizes two different kinds of married men. The first group is those who married years ago and cannot imagine any woman in the world who could be better for them than the woman they love. They happily celebrate Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries. It’s not because they are romantics. It is because they consciously or unconsciously recognize that they are never going to get a better wife than the one they have.
You sir, are of the second type. You are the romantic. You have an inner belief that somewhere out there is a better, more interesting life than the one you are leading. You chafe under a marriage that makes it impossible to have that imaginary beautiful young woman that you rescued clinging to your arm.
The idea that there are thrills and excitement to be found in a different relationship is ridiculous. If you married a beautiful wealthy woman someday you would wake up to the fact that she hasn’t read a book since high school. You would think, “Oh, crap. I have to go into the safe and count our money again while she sits at the mirror and plucks her eyebrows.” It’s called baggage. We all have it. Yes, you do, too. Someday she will wake up and think, “God, I hope he doesn’t whine about going to the casino again tonight.”
You had better re-evaluate your life. If you go for divorce, it’s going to cost you half of what you have to get a woman who is probably not as interesting or attractive as the one you are married to.
Is that what you want?
Share
Read more
