Dear Doctor Love,
Here is the short version of this story. I wanted him forever and finally got him only to find out that he is a cheater. Yet I still think I want him. How can this be?
I knew him from high school and loved him from a distance. He was two years ahead of me and it was hopeless for me to even think about him even though I was crazy for him. We met again at a party nearly ten years later and I was still as smitten as ever. This time he really paid attention to me and we started going out. Soon, I moved in with him. Everything went great for the first eight months and then all of the bad signs started popping up. He would show up late and get mysterious phone calls. All texts were deleted from his phone as soon as he got them.
Then one day a woman showed up at his house and told me she was his long time girlfriend. She had been out of the country for a year and a half but they had been in contact nearly every day by either phone or text. I did not say anything about anything. When he showed up from work she was still sitting on the porch waiting for him. He was shocked to see her there. It turns out that she came back a month earlier than she had planned and was going to surprise him. He was surprised.
I sat there with my mouth hanging open as he introduced me as a friend who was staying with him until I get my apartment. She did not like that I was there but she finally went to her parent’s house. It turns out that she had never lived with him. After she left he apologized and told me that he thought it was over and she was not coming back. I pointed out that this was an obvious lie since she said they were in contact nearly every day since she was gone. I packed my things and left.
It has been three weeks since I have gone and he has been trying to call me or text me all of the time but I have not answered any of them. Now, for the weird part. I miss him terribly. One reason why I have ignored his messages is that I am afraid that I would give in to him immediately.
Is there something terribly wrong with me?
/s/ Still Gone
Dear Still,
Missing someone is one thing. Jumping right back into a terrible situation that you just left is another. If you spend nine or ten months living with someone it is natural to miss them. Then again, if you have a sore tooth that gets pulled you will miss that, too.
Give it some time before you re-establish contact with him. Listen to whatever laughable excuse he gives you for treating you like dirt. If he can still talk you into going back with him, then you deserve him.
